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Post by bigjohnsparky on Aug 5, 2018 8:13:14 GMT
Pluto said to Mickey Mouse ‘Divorcing Minnie cos she has buck teeth is a bit harsh’ ‘I didn’t say she had buck teeth’ snaps Mickey ‘I said she was f•cking Goofy’
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Post by TonyM on Aug 5, 2018 9:04:33 GMT
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Post by victor on Aug 6, 2018 9:52:05 GMT
I was going to tell the one about what's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney? Bing sings and Walt disnae (disnae = doesn't in Scottish vernacular) but everybody's heard that one. So how about a Sean Connery one?
Sean Connery hadn't made a film in ages so one day his agent called him up and said "Sean, I've got a producer and a director who want to talk to you tomorrow about making a film. Thing is, they want you over there quite early, would ten-ish be OK?"
Connery says "Tennish? I haven't even got a racquet"
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Post by bigjohnsparky on Aug 6, 2018 21:40:22 GMT
A farm boy from rural England came home after his first date and said to his dad ‘Dad, Dad, she’s a virgin’ Dad says ‘son, if she’s not good enough for her family she’s not good enough for you’ 😂😂😂
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Post by Dulac on Aug 7, 2018 8:35:41 GMT
Hello, You have reached the 'Men's Help Line.'
My name is Don. How can I help you?“
"Hi Don, I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs; the phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with 'the girls' a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep. Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not home. So I hid in the garage behind my boat and waited for her. When she came home, she got out of someone’s car, buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, while crouched behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?"
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Disney
Aug 7, 2018 8:49:57 GMT
Post by victor on Aug 7, 2018 8:49:57 GMT
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Post by victor on Aug 7, 2018 8:52:09 GMT
I know you've ll seen it before but perhaps a reminder:
Woman:- A Chemical Analysis Element: Woman Symbol : WO Discoverer: Adam Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 Kg, may vary from 40 to 200 Kg Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES 1. Surface usually covered with painted film. 2. Boils at various temperatures, freezes without any known reason. 3. Melts if given special treatment. 4. Bitter if incorrectly used. 5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore. 6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES 1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones. 2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances. 3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason. 4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol. 5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
COMMON USES 1. Mainly ornamental. 2. Can be a great aid in relaxation. 3. Very effective cleaning agent. TESTS 1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when found in natural state. 2. Turns green when placed beside better specimen. POTENTIAL HAZARDS 1. Highly dangerous, except in experienced hands. 2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained in different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.
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Disney
Aug 7, 2018 9:41:00 GMT
Post by Dulac on Aug 7, 2018 9:41:00 GMT
Would you care to forward that to Germaine Greer, enclosing your address? Never seen it before.
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