Post by victor on Aug 14, 2018 12:51:21 GMT
Ireland Declares War on France:
Jacques Chirac, The French President, was sitting in his office when his phone rings. "Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a voice says "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare. I’m ringing to tell you that we are officially declaring war on France"
"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is very important news! How big is your army?"
Paddy says "Right now there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight of us"
Chirac pauses then says "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"B’gorra!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be?" asks Chirac.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Chirac sighs, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rings back the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We've managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns on the handlebars oh, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well"
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I’ll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin' Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we’ve had to call off the war."
"Really?” says Chirac “I’m sorry to hear that but why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and decided there’s no way we can feed 200,000 prisoners."
Jacques Chirac, The French President, was sitting in his office when his phone rings. "Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a voice says "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare. I’m ringing to tell you that we are officially declaring war on France"
"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is very important news! How big is your army?"
Paddy says "Right now there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight of us"
Chirac pauses then says "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"B’gorra!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be?" asks Chirac.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Chirac sighs, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rings back the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We've managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns on the handlebars oh, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well"
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I’ll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin' Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we’ve had to call off the war."
"Really?” says Chirac “I’m sorry to hear that but why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and decided there’s no way we can feed 200,000 prisoners."